fall for

I think we’ve all fallen for the wrong guy by now—some of us are professionals at picking the wrong one, but most of us will fall for the wrong guy at least once. As I dig deeper into this idea, let me be clear about one thing: I am not talking about what we fail to realize about the guy who is NOT for us.

As we approach 2017, dating around literally couldn’t be any harder. With catfishing, hatfishing, and bold-faced liars, the pool gets shallower by the day. Still, we desire companionship and take the risk anyway—as we should. The way I see it, you don’t know whether or not a watermelon is sweet if you don’t cut it and taste it—and relationships are just the same. So don’t feel bad about falling hard when the opportunity arises. Taste the fruit, girl! If it’s bad, throw it out, and if it’s sweet, enjoy it to the very last bite. Whether you’re knee deep in love or just getting your feet wet in the dating pool, don’t be naive to the one thing women fail to realize about the men we fall for. Let’s get into it!

The men we fall for are simple.

The older I get, the more I realize just how different women are created from men. As women (most of us) have an instinct to be caretakers, and because we think that way, we often desire that same thing from the man we fall for and give our time to. Yes, some men reciprocate that well, but most of them need the reminder. Again, men are simple.

What I mean by that is this: instead of coming in from a hard day’s work and expecting him to know you want him to rub your back or fix you a glass of wine, tell him. Instead of wanting him to pick up on the cues that you want that necklace you showed him when y’all walked the mall together, tell him. If you need him to take the trash out more often, tell him. Whatever you’re expecting him to know, but he keeps missing… You have to communicate it to him. It’ll make things a hell of a lot easier.

In my experience, asking for what I need or want gets me much better results than expecting the man I fall for to read my mind or ‘know’ what I’m feeling without it being said. It’s unfair, too. Although some of us do it well, not everyone does—and that isn’t just with romantic relationships.

Many of us ruin a good connection with the men we fall for because we expect him to do something instead of simply asking him to do something.

We say communication is key in any lasting relationship, but we neglect the importance of actual dialogue. When you’re mad, don’t signal–communicate. Do it calmly, but you’re a grown *ss woman. USE YOUR WORDS. If we realized just how simple men are, we would see that clear direction and suggestions will provide better results than hints and subliminal messages. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care when he can’t “figure out” what’s wrong with you, but it says an awful lot when he responds (verbally and physically) to what you’ve actually said to him.

Actions speak louder than words, but don’t forget that words make a little noise too.

The next time you expect your partner to know something based on what you “did but didn’t” say, assume good intent. The men we fall for are simple, and the more communicative we are when building or maintaining a relationship, the smoother things will go. Remember, all is fair in love and war. Don’t expect to be able to keep things open and honest about your needs and desires without offering the men we fall for the courtesy. Tough skin, gals… tough skin–but that’s for another day.

In the meantime, the next time you come home from work and want your feet rubbed, don’t hint–just communicate. I know it’ll help.

Love always, Isis.

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