Love can be tough. Although Valentine’s Day is great for some, for others it really f*cking sucks. And I’m not talking about just ‘the singles’ either. I’m talking about the person who is going to be disappointed because their significant other put zero effort into Valentine’s Day–again. I’m talking about the woman who is turning down great men left and right to be faithful to her situationship with a guy she knows is no good for her. Remember, “I love him” is not a good enough reason to let him treat you like sh*t. This is why you can’t leave him (when you know you should). Let’s get into it!
1. You’re convincing yourself that nothing is wrong, so there’s no reason to leave him.
Unfortunately, denial is a drug of choice for many women. First things first. You’ve got to come to the light, baby. If all of your friends and family are questioning why you’re still holding on to such a broken person or relationship, it’s usually because you shouldn’t be. You’re doing yourself a disservice by lying to yourself. A woman in love can manage to convince herself that there isn’t anything wrong with her man or her relationship. Don’t travel down this path because it’s easy to get lost there, away from all the voices that are trying to save you.
2. You’re convincing yourself that overall, “you’re happy”.
Many of us were taught that “if the good outweighs the bad,” we should stick out the challenges. I don’t think we understand that phrase. How can I put this? It doesn’t mean that if you can convince yourself that most things are ‘okay’, that the bad things aren’t that bad. It doesn’t mean that you have to be “ride or die” just because the two of you shared some good times. When you’re forced to convince yourself that you’re happy, you’re honestly not.
3. You’re afraid of losing him to another woman.
Another big thing we do as women is stay in sh*tty relationships simply because we don’t want to lose our guy to the other woman (or women) in his life. I know it sucks, but it’s the dumbest decision you can make for yourself. If other women can occupy his time and attention that easily… baby, let him go on his merry way! I promise you, you’ll bounce back! You don’t need to feel like you’re doing a prison bid to get a one-up on the next chick. It’s not worth it.
4. You’re afraid of being alone after you leave him.
Getting out of a serious relationship changes a lot in your life. I get it. You’re used to thinking, feeling, and living for the two of you. That’s just who we are as women. Don’t be afraid to leave a no-good man because you’re skeptical of being alone. Being alone after being in a toxic relationship is an amazing way to rebuild yourself and place the crown back on your head where it belongs. Embrace your singleness, girl!
5. You’re worried that if you leave him, you won’t find better.
We don’t like to admit it, but another reason you can’t leave him (when you know you should) is because you’re afraid that you won’t find anyone better than him. And when I say better than him, I mean in the way you see him, not everybody else. You don’t think you’ll find anyone who makes you feel the way he does… but I promise you, if you heal and move on, you’ll find someone who will completely change your outlook on love because they will put in the effort to love you the right way–and that is exactly what you deserve! You’re not even aware of what you’re missing out on, but trust me, the right man is out there waiting to love you properly and wholly.
6. You’re focused on past actions and old memories.
You want to know why it’s so easy to convince yourself that you need to work through this dead-end relationship? Because you’re stuck on things that used to be. You’re stuck thinking about how he was when you first got together. You’re still telling people about the way he used to make you feel and things he used to do. You gotta live life in the present. Remember, he was never supposed to stop making the effort he once showed when he got with you in the first place!
7. You won’t leave him because you’re trying to avoid the “I told you so’s.“
When you finally get out of this toxic relationship, you’ll have a few people who will be proud of you and cheer you on… but you’ll also have to face those people who can’t wait to tell you, “I told you so.” I’m going to be honest with you, there’s no way to avoid this part, but it isn’t the end of the world. Let them say their piece and wash it down with a shot of tequila. You’ll be fine (and you can stick it to them later when you finally meet the right guy).
8. You won’t leave him because you’re putting his feelings before your own.
You have to face the facts, sis. You’re putting him and his feelings over your own. You’re not choosing yourself, and that will always put you on the wrong track. Ask yourself one question… does he put your feelings before his own? I’m assuming the answer is no. Leaving him will bruise his ego, but it’s necessary, and ultimately it will probably benefit him in the long run. If you don’t leave him, there is no gain for you. No promise. No happy endings. Choose yourself, babygirl. YOU’RE WORTH IT.
Set yourself free, Queen.
Love always, Isis.
