Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and later realized that you’re the only one thinking the two of you are in a relationship? I’ve learned that many people steer clear of defining their relationship with someone and instead tag on words like ‘talking’ or ‘dating’ as in—there’s no commitment, but I don’t want you to talk to anyone else. So now you’re left thinking, if we aren’t in a relationship, what are we?
There are several excuses or reasons for why someone does this, but don’t fool yourself—you deserve clarity. If you are in a relationship or doing relationship things with someone and you’ve never defined the relationship, it’s time to get some answers. Here are 7 responses to ‘what are we?’ that let you know exactly where things stand with you two. Let’s get into it!
1. “I don’t want to complicate what we have.”
“You’re special to me and you know that, but I don’t want to complicate what we have by putting a title on it.” If putting a title on your situationship will cause complications, that is a clear sign that commitment is only a goal for one of you.
2. “That’s the homie.”
Abort mission–like, now. This is such a huge sign of disrespect to me. You’re not their homeboy, and this is just a nonchalant way of telling you that there is no potential for a committed relationship for the two of you in sight.
3. “Seriously… we’re just friends.”
This response is typically made by you when you’re explaining to others (who are tired of you two dragging things out, by the way) that you’re ‘just friends’ when everyone knows you two should be more. You’re trying to convince others that even though you two would be perfect together, you aren’t going to embark on a romantic relationship. Sure, you could be worried about risking the friendship, but honestly, you know that you both should be more than friends as well! Take the risk!
4. “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”
Soon, but not now. To me, hearing this is risky. It all depends on the person, whether or not you can believe there is light at the end of this tunnel. Some people use this excuse to keep you around, but they never make that leap, and “soon” never comes. It doesn’t happen that way in all cases, though. Some people do need time to prioritize or handle themselves emotionally before getting involved in a new relationship. You want to make sure they’re ready to trust you and the new relationship.
5. “You know I’ll always care about you.”
You two may have been involved for some time, and still, that commitment has not been made. As long as you two have been a thing, it has been serious, and you’ve developed real feelings for each other. Sh*tty thing is, as deep as those feelings are, you still aren’t getting anywhere with them. “You know they’ll always care about you,” but commitment (at least to you) is not their goal here.
6. “You up?”
You might not want to admit it, but you know exactly who I’m talking about. You know good and well, nothing will come from this. They treat you like a booty call; they only reach out when they want to sleep with you, and even that is pretty scarce. You know all too well what the two of you are. So much so that you don’t even bother asking because the honest answer will make you feel even more used than you do now. Move on, baby.
7. “We hook up from time to time.”
You hear from this person a little more than the “you up” type, but you’re still just hooking up. There isn’t anything exclusive or promising about the relationship. The term ‘hook-up’ generally applies that it’s a casual, nonexclusive type of relationship, meaning you and four others are probably expecting the same commitment from the kind of person with zero intentions of committing to either of you.
All in all, if you find yourself committing to someone who hasn’t committed themselves to you, you’re selling yourself short.
You’re a pink starburst, remember? You are the sh*t. You deserve to be treated as such. Gain some clarity, and if you get any of the following responses in return, believe them the first time!
Love always, Isis.
