Hey mama. I know things get tough, but I wanted to let you know that I love you and you are so worthy of all the love coming your way. This one’s for the working mother. Yes, even my stay-at-home mamas.
I don’t care if you’re single, in a relationship, or married—a mother’s job is never done. I recognize that (and I correct those who don’t seem to get it). Yes, our journeys differ, but we face many of the same challenges—challenges that truly can make or break you—and I don’t think there’s enough credit given. So, I’m here to give us our flowers. I got us, sis.
Let’s get into it.
As a working mother, you are allowed to be too tired to clean up.
Whether you need to hire a maid or wait til’ your next off day; you’ll get it done. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve set my alarm to wake up early to tackle that pile of laundry that’s been watching me sleep over the last week and hit snooze when it went off. I hate to recall how many times I fell asleep on my couch when I said, “I’m just gonna sit down for a moment,” and woke up at 3 am with nothing done. I’m embarrassed to say that I even leave dishes in my sink overnight from time to time. It is what it is. I work hard and I work a lot. I used to feel really, really bad about that… but I’ve learned that it’s okay for me to get to it when I can. It’s okay for you too, sis. Find the good moments. Praise yourself for the small victories. The bills are paid, and my child is happy—even when my house isn’t spotless—probably even more than when it is, to be real.
I know you might have gotten the kids to school late a day or two this week, but you made it.
Listen, this might not be your battle, but chillllllle! Being a working mother and getting my daughter ready for school—after 3 years of homeschooling—and still having to get myself together for a full day’s work simultaneously is INSANE! Oh my gosh, kudos to all the mothers who have experience in the game because whew! I struggle to get up an hour earlier to take care of myself, to make sure we are out the door on time. I was guilty of having both of us wake up at the same time and rushing my daughter because I wasn’t where I needed to be as far as progress was concerned. So to eliminate that, I committed to waking up an hour before I wake her up—keep in mind that neither of us are morning people AT ALL. That way, she could have her space and time to start her day comfortably, the same way I expected to. That might be a simple feat to some, but let me tell you… It wasn’t easy for me. If you’ve been there, I’ll stand in the thick of it with you when we tell people how much of a challenge and accomplishment it is to get both us and our children’s day started successfully! GAHLEEEEEEEE!!!
If you’re a working mother who works for someone with no regard for your life as a parent, it’s time to start job searching.
I can’t stress this enough. It’s been a long road searching for the right position and company (if I can’t work for myself) that will value me and respect my life as a parent. I can’t anticipate the challenges I might face regarding work when it comes to my child. It could be finding reliable, affordable childcare. It could be finding a schedule that works with homework time. It could truly be a multitude of things that make working and having children extremely difficult. Whatever your reason, if you’re working for someone who can’t be understanding in those times of need, you need to work for someone else. Period. We’ve got enough stress on our plates, and being a mother is nonnegotiable.
Your temper tantrums should be forgiven, just like your child’s.
I apologize to my baby all the time for being mouthy or aggravated. I don’t want to be, and I don’t mean to be overwhelmed or overstimulated. As a working mother, most of the time, my cattiness has nothing to do with life at home. It derives from that place of anxiety where I’m in between what I have done, what I need to do, and what I can do in that moment. There is always something else to do. There’s never really a designated moment of peace. You have to learn to make peace with the feeling of being overwhelmed to even recognize that you’re allowed to feel that way. Just like our kids wake up on the wrong side of the bed at times, so do we. We’re human. We have to learn to be comfortable giving ourselves the same grace we give everyone else. Especially our babies.
Lean on your team in every moment of weakness.
There are going to be times when self-encouragement just won’t do. In those moments, please, lean on your people. Ask them for help with transportation to or from school. Ask them if their able to watch the kids late on Saturday because you have to work. Ask them to watch the kids on Saturday, even if you don’t have to work. You deserve a break, and there are people in your life who don’t mind providing one for you. Lean into the help that is out there for you and DON’T FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU DO! We all need help! It might be in different ways, but we all need some kind of help. Never forget that, sis.
I’m sorry other people devalue the effort you put forth every day as a working mother.
I hate it for us. All too often we are expected to just “get through it” without acknowledgment of what it takes to do so. It’s hard, and if you’re doing it alone, it can leave you feeling extremely helpless. You don’t deserve to feel that way. You’re doing the best you can. No one can ask for more than that. As long as you’re truly making an honest effort to keep waking up and doing what’s expected of you to the best of your ability… You are doing it. Whatever ‘it’ is, you’re doing it.
Keep waking up.
The message is simple. No matter how hard it is… keep going. We got this!
I love you, sis. To continued effort.
Love always, Isis.+
