Whew, Chile. If I could say three things to my younger self this would certainly be one of them.

One of the most valuable life lessons I’ve been able to really see come to fruition during “quarantwenty-twenty” is that everybody deserves the time and space to be exactly who they are—or who they desire to be without the risk of being judged. Whether it’s for five minutes or over the course of the next five years, we all deserve the opportunity to just be.

So, yeah, I’m about to take you down the path of “be your own woman,” but hear me out. I know we, as women, experience more often than not someone telling us who and how we should be as a woman. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t just look one way. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I simply needed to smile more, I’d be holding Goddess Column seminars instead of hosting this free blog, but you catch my drift. There’s always going to be a standard for what a woman should be. And while I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive to be our best self… I AM saying that your best self doesn’t have to fit “the mold.” I said it once and I’ll say it EVERY. TIME. FAKE IS A FULL-TIME JOB; and one that pays in nothing but disappointment, if you ask me. Trust me, my girl… it’s not worth it! So, if you find yourself out here stressing to be what the world thinks a woman is, here’s the best advice I can give you. It’s time to let go of the idea of being “this kind of woman.”

Let’s define her, shall we?

This kind of woman has it all together.

There isn’t a single person on this planet who has it all together, honey. No matter how put together someone seems to be, always remember that you don’t usually see the cracks and glue of a broken object that’s been carefully repaired unless you’re close enough to it. Hold that to heart, sis. Nobody has it all together. As I mentioned earlier, there will always be a standard for what a woman should be and we should strive to be the best version of a woman that we can be true to. Nevertheless, you don’t have to have it all together to be a woman of substance. As far as I’m concerned, as long as you’re making your best effort to do good, be good, and see good on a daily basis… you’re on the right track whether you’ve mastered that or not. 

This kind of woman doesn’t make mistakes.

I wouldn’t know half of the things I think I know if it weren’t for the countless mistakes I’ve made in my thirty-plus years of life. Neither would any other honorable woman I know, for that matter. A woman who acts like she doesn’t make mistakes has already made the biggest one—thinking she’s beyond error. It’s far more damaging for a mask of perfection to be ripped off like a bandaid in front of everyone than it is to embrace any embarrassment that might come from taking the mask off yourself. Again, trust me on this one. No matter how bad you feel you’ve messed up, presenting your own mistakes to whomever you feel should know—because that is completely up to you—is a much better decision than pretending you have never or will never make a mistake.

This kind of woman has the perfect life.

Any woman who pretends as though she is perfect probably pretends as though her life is, too! The perfect job, the perfect friends, the perfect family, the perfect partner… honey, please. You’ve probably heard some rendition of the saying before, “anything in life worth having is worth working for;” but I also learned that anything you have to work for doesn’t just come easy. That doesn’t mean that the work isn’t worth it to you nor does it mean that overcoming whatever obstacles you faced while working for that victory shouldn’t feel overwhelmingly gratifying, but perfect? I highly doubt it. 

This kind of woman never gets tired.

LISTEN. I get tired. I get tired all the time and I’m not even trying to be this kind of woman. I constantly get tired from dedicating myself to being what I believe I should be as a woman. But trust and believe, I celebrate myself just as much. I find a certain joy in growing tired when I know I’m applying myself endlessly to fulfilling my goals—whether they’re big or small. Just waking up in the morning with the mindset to get shit done on that day is reason enough for me to celebrate myself regardless of whatever fatigue may follow.

This kind of woman doesn’t exist.

My point, sis? The woman you might think you have to be to please the likes of others DOES. NOT. EXIST. No matter which way you flip it, we are all trying to survive life on a daily basis. Some of us have far more complicated situations than the next, but trust and believe, we are all just trying to make it through today to experience tomorrow. You’re not alone. You don’t have to pretend to be perfect. You don’t have to hide your surface scars. Just be true. Be proud of your efforts. Be proud of the scars you’ve gained along the journey, and be selective of who’s allowed to get close enough to see them.

I love you and your flaws. Keep giving life hell sis. We got this.

Love always, Isis.