It doesn’t matter whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship; a working relationship takes two. No relationship should be forced…period. A lot of the time, we are in denial about the realistic status of a relationship we feel we want and deserve, which ultimately leads us into this “relationship limbo.” The sad part about being in relationship limbo is that one of the two usually can’t tell or does not want to admit that the relationship has gotten there. So, how do you know if your relationship is in limbo or not? Here are a few signs showing that you’re already there. Let’s get into it!
1. You only hear from them when you call or text first.
This is a big one. Communication is key. I get it. We’ve all got busy schedules, but if you only hear from this person on your own motive… something isn’t right here. It’s no lie that people make time for who and what they want to make time for. Don’t accept being busy as a consistent excuse.
2. The majority of your conversations take place via text (or, worse, social media).
I honestly hadn’t realized how dependent people have become on using social media and text messaging as a means of communication. Then there’s the friend that you (and everybody else) swear adores you based on the comments and googly-eyes they leave on your IG, but when you see them in person, it’s like you barely know each other. You can’t possibly consider yourself building a lasting relationship with anybody you don’t physically speak to on the phone or, better yet, IN PERSON.
3. Your conversations feel a bit forced and/or abrupt.
You: Hey! I saw that commercial you liked with the kid driving the car and thought about you… How’s your day going?
Them: It’s alright… (with total disregard to the commercial reference)
You: Oh, well that’s good. What else do you have planned for the day?
Them: Not sure.
You: I was going to grab a bite to eat after I get off. Want to join me?
Them: Maybe next time. I’ve got stuff to do. Thanks tho…
Sound familiar? If this is what your conversation sounds like with anyone, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to reevaluate whether or not you should be trying to converse with them. Don’t waste time attempting to communicate with someone who makes you feel like you’re bothering them when you do.
4. You don’t spend much quality time together.
Again, another pretty clear sign of relationship limbo. People make time for what they want to make time for. Even the busiest of people find ways to spend time with the people who are important to them. Remember, quality time doesn’t have a limit, and it doesn’t have to occur at a certain place to be deemed valuable. It’s about the generosity of the visit and the time you spend together. No matter how long or short.
5. You’re more likely to hear from them when they need or want something from you.
This is typically when a true friend steps in to point out this flawed relationship to you, because most times, you’re so caught up in being loyal that you don’t even realize you’re being used. The bad part is that your kind, generous acts aren’t even reciprocated. So, don’t get upset with the people who care about you for pointing it out; they’re doing you a favor… trust me.
6. They’re not very affectionate.
If affection and appreciation are not vivid, that’s already a red flag in any relationship. Although you should hear that you mean something to this person, you should absolutely feel it. PDA (public display of affection) is another big factor in determining your value. I understand that some people aren’t comfortable with it, but for the most part, if a little PDA cannot be shown, something is fishy.
7. You feel most “appreciated” when you’re having sex.
That’s right. If you feel like the most “magical” time in the relationship is during sex or the five minutes you spend cuddled up after sex… chances are there is no real connection between you two. Yes, this goes for you “friends with benefits” relationships, too.
Never be afraid to evaluate the need for the relationships you’re invested in. It takes two to be in a functioning relationship. Don’t hold on to pretenses, tricking yourself into thinking someone is being genuine with you when they’re not. Your heart is no toy, and your time is valuable. Act like you know this. Don’t be afraid to do a little ‘spring cleaning’ in your relationship closet this season. Know when it’s time to move on and know when you deserve better!
Love always, Isis.
