I think men underestimate the fact that women can play “the game” just as well—if not better—than men.
With that, I want to talk about some of the signs that could mean you’re dating a woman with no intentions of dating you. Here’s how to spot how women use men to get what they want without committing. To keep things simple…when in doubt, get out! You’ll know if she intends to pursue a relationship with you. Trust me. A woman with ‘game’ is a dangerous thing to experience, so beware of the devil in a new dress.
Let’s get into it, shall we?
If you call, she’ll answer–but she isn’t calling you first.
This is how it all started. You saw her and thought, “Man, I’ve got to get her…” You talked her into giving you her phone number and she might have even seemed interested. You go to call her and maybe she picks up the first time (or she doesn’t because she doesn’t recognize the number), but when you finally get in contact with her, the sparks you just knew were there when you met her seem to have dulled out. You remind her of who you are she engages a little more in conversation and finally you two are off to (what you think is) a good start. From here, to see her again, you ask her out on a date and she (possibly reluctantly) accepts. You’ve been hooked.
You go out on dates, but you’re not “dating.”
Free food and/or drinks usually serve as a pretty good incentive to go out on a date with someone, for most people. This is initially how most women get over on you gents. A woman with no intentions of dating you will still go out on all kinds of dates with you simply to get out of the house without having to spend any of her money. Usually, the dates are in places that the two of you aren’t very likely to be seen in, like dinner in a back booth or the movies, instead of a night out on the town for all to see. If you find yourself always offering to take her out, it’s not usually a good sign of progression… If she were into you, she’d suggest dates and pick up the tab now and then, too.
You pay for EVERYTHING.
I highly doubt that I am the first person to tell you this. Women love money. It doesn’t really matter who it comes from. If you’re willing to pick up the ticket no matter where the two of you go, she’ll probably keep you around. If you buy her whatever she wants, she’ll keep you around. If she knows she can call you to get a few extra bucks, she’s going to make sure you’re just a call away. If you pay her bills, she probably won’t let you out of her sight. Still, none of this means she has the intention of committing to you–at all. If you’re doing any of these things without reciprocity–you’re digging your own grave within this failed relationship. And let’s be clear about one little thing… SEX IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE RECIPROCATION.
She uses ‘the cookie’ to eat the cake.
I know it feels amazing and can be wildly invigorating… but fellas, you have got to stop holding so much value in regards to sex. And before you start denying that you do this, I’m not talking about sex with any ole’ gal… I’m talking about sex with that girl. I’m talking about sex with the girl you have sex with and decide you want to be the only one having sex with her. Sex is not money. Sex is not love. Sex does not hold any additional value besides reaching a moment of ecstasy–and that’s only if you really know what you’re doing. A woman who has no intention of dating you, but wants to keep taking advantage of your money or other possessions, typically has no problem opening up her legs to make you think she does to maintain those benefits.
She’s two different people alone with you and in public.
You may be feeling a little confused because you’re thinking to yourself… “We don’t have sex… we make love.” Or maybe you two have deep, intimate conversations when you’re alone and you guys cuddle all the time, but let me break it down. If you two can do all these things secretly, that’s one thing. When you two can do the same things no matter who’s looking, that is an entirely different ball game. If she tends to get a little more reserved when you are in public together, it could be because she doesn’t want anyone to think you two are ‘more than friends’. If it’s okay to kiss at the house, but you can’t hold hands while walking in the mall–that’s not a good sign, my friend.
She just wants you to “be patient” with her.
A woman who has no intentions of dating you, but still wants to reap the benefits you bring to the table, will continue to make you think that with time the two of you will finally live happily ever after. This sucks, but it is true. Women know rather quickly whether or not they want to pursue a relationship with the man courting them. If she wanted to commit, you would know so. When she says she needs time or wants you to be patient it could be just a way to keep you around without giving you what you ultimately want from her–commitment.
You’re always introduced as a friend or by your name.
Unfortunately, after all this time, although you guys go out together, you’re still being introduced as her friend or worse… just as your name. Neither of these introductions allows her friends to confirm their assumption that you two might be more than friends—no matter how many times they have seen you together—because the bottom line is, if you were somebody… she would have said so.
So, how long is too long to wait on the commitment, you ask? Depending on how many of the previously mentioned signs you’ve seen… you’ve already waited too long; but if you need a number… I’d say a month and a half, two months or so of no real reciprocity or intention is more than enough reason to get outta there. If you’re looking for the real thing, don’t settle on a woman with no intentions of dating you. The right one is out there somewhere!
All my love, fellas.
-Isis.
