As if finding the right person isn’t already hard enough… here I am telling you that after you’ve finally found someone, they may not be the right person for you. I’m such an assh*le. It’s honest, though. The best advice is usually like a shot of whiskey—a little hard to swallow, but always good to the soul. Here are 5 obvious signs you’re not dating the right person. Let’s get into it.

1. You’re always comparing them to your ex.

If that’s the case, you shouldn’t even be in a new relationship if you haven’t had closure from your past relationship(s). If you are comparing the things your current partner does or doesn’t do with those of your ex, you’re probably not dating the right person. In fact, that’s a huge sign that you’re not even over your ex.

2. You have a long list of improvements for them.

I called off my engagement because an older man asked me one simple question—“If he never changes, would you still want to spend the rest of your life with him?” The harsh reality was that if he didn’t make the changes I wanted him to make, he wouldn’t ever be good enough for me. Most people won’t admit this, but for a long time, I only dated men I needed to ‘fix’. I never saw that as a bad thing. I liked projects, not realizing that those relationships failed effortlessly every single time. It didn’t mean I didn’t care for him, but that answer made it apparent that I was not dating the right person.

3. You don’t feel the need to improve yourself.

As I said before, I liked projects. They made me feel good about myself. Don’t get me wrong—I’m an amazing girlfriend, but we can all do better at something within ourselves. I know that now. However, at the time, I never felt like I needed to improve myself, only the man I was with. When I met my current partner, he put such a driving force in me to improve in (pretty much) every area of my life. He didn’t verbally tell me I needed to improve anything either. He was just that good to me. I wanted to be better for him… and for me. That’s the way it should be.

4. Your close friends and family don’t like them.

I understand that sometimes there are special circumstances for people who don’t have a connection to their family, but for most of us, this part matters. No, you don’t need to take everyone’s opinion about them to heart—some people won’t like them because they feel like they’re being replaced, and for other selfish reasons. However, if practically everyone close to you has a problem with this individual, especially a parent or sibling, you’re probably not dating the right person.

5. You’re not excited or concerned about a future with them.

You undoubtedly know that you’ll be just fine with or without them. Some people like to justify this by saying that they are in charge of their happiness, which I can agree with to a certain extent. However, that doesn’t mean that your life partner (or partner for the time being) isn’t supposed to contribute in large part to that happiness. If you don’t feel like you need them (no, not financially) or desire a future with them, move on. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel like you do when you see your food coming to your table in a restaurant. If it doesn’t feel like that (at least most of the time), you’re not dating the right person.

If you’re holding on to someone who isn’t right for you, do yourself the favor and let go of them. Don’t sell yourself short. The right one is out there somewhere.

Love always, Isis.

Follow